I'm not sure I've had a chance to deal with everything since the whole pandemic and lockdown. I went from being extremely sick to extremely busy. Part of being busy is my choice. I don't think I really want time to stop and smell the roses.
Today I got a call from my boss that I need to go to the facility and learn the production side of things, as it is an order from the president of our company to help me understand what the jobs in production do to better answer questions in orientation. That is fine with me. This did not come as a surprise to me since it was brought up in a meeting last week with a project team I'm a part of. What struck me was the comment, "I'm fighting for you. You are not in trouble or in danger." My heart sank because that means that there has been talk of doing away with my position and my boss is fighting to keep me on. Yes, I'm a trainer at work and we are not currently "training". I'm the only "soft skills" trainer we have and I develop courses to better our staff based on their needs and wants from surveys and other forms of communication. I've worked non-stop on developing a new curriculum for 2020. Unfortunately, some of those classes will not take place due to the restrictions of social gatherings. I got the feeling he doesn't know what all I have been working on since WFH orders went into place, so I created a list...a 2 page list of projects, training, workshops, seminars, spreadsheets, and more that I've developed in the past 6 weeks. It's not enough. I feel undervalued and unappreciated today.
On top of that, I completed two training modules in HR. One took an hour and the other was supposed to take 2 hours, but it took me 4.5. It was so difficult and I was getting extremely frustrated. I think I just couldn't focus completely after the call from earlier and the delivery of the course was drab, which matched my mood. After I finished, it was Stouffer's Mac and Cheese and Tyson Buffalo Chicken Strips for dinner. Emily and I watched the Disney Family Sing-a-long and an episode of Encore. I'm ready to go to bed now.
Tomorrow I go in for our projects meeting and Thursday is our report out to our president for our project, which I feel could make or break the decision to keep me on. I also start shadowing in production tomorrow. I have a bad pit in my stomach. I guess it's because I've stayed away from the news for a few days. I felt the whole coronavirus issues were getting better. Today I saw where states were starting to reopen. Yesterday while we were out on our walk, traffic seemed to be more normal on our side of town. I have emails of doctor offices opening next week. But tonight, I got an alert on my phone about the number of deaths in NC in the last two days. I don't know when NC will reopen. There's talk of a second outbreak during flu season. The future is so uncertain. I started to feel hope, but tonight I feel down and stressed.
I have physical therapy via Zoom at 8 AM. For the first time, I don't feel like having it. I feel I'm a burden on my therapist and that he can use that hour for someone who needs it more than me. I looked forward to my appointments because it gave me another friendly face to talk to. I am sore from the last couple of days of exercise so I felt like taking today off, so I did. I haven't even gotten out of PJ's, which might be a part of my issues. Tomorrow, I will get up early, do something with my hair, apply make-up, do my PT, and go into work with a smile and a positive attitude.
Here's an email I was sent today from my boss. It warmed my heart so I thought I'd share with you.
"Music has been proven to decrease stress and positively impact mood. Novant Health Integrative Medicine has some creative tips for ways you can add music to your daily routine. Click this link to join us for this Monday Moment as Lisa Jervis, MD discusses the medical benefits of music
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